Poison On The Lips Of Fate
by bury me among the ashes
Summary: Fuu isn't nearly as strong as she lets on. She longs for more than the simple life she has, and he's the only one that can tell, but will a memory of her mother's last words keep her from him? JinFuu


Disclaimer: SC is not mine and neither are the characters.

Warnings/Notes: JinFuu goodness! OOC and slightly…twisted or dark is the word I'm looking for. This will be a multi chapter story just so everyone knows.

Fuu's eyes were focused on the dim orange blur in the distance, the light of a fire flickering somewhere amongst the ocean of trees. Mugen and Jin saw it too, their eyes seemed to have fixed on it moments after hers had, they didn't know how it was still burning when it was pouring down rain but they were all tired and wary so they inched nearer to it. Jin was prepared for a trap, some sort of ambush, Fuu could tell by the change in his aura, but she knew Mugen was just as unconcerned as ever. She felt the last of the strength in her legs fading, she'd been walking too long without a break and she knew it.

With each step she took she could feel her body convulse but she wouldn't let the men concern themselves with her, just a little further she kept coaxing herself, trying to envision her father's face, trying to think of what it would be like when she could finally see him. It was only when the two samurai noticed their friend was lagging further behind than usual that they looked back to see her in such a broken state.

Fuu smiled fondly at the flare of concern that stirred within Jin's ebony eyes, disappearing within an instant and the familiar smug, annoyed look Mugen shot her. They reached the fire, Jin walking slower, Mugen keeping the same pace and sitting down to it ahead of them. It was shaded by trees he called back to them, that was why it hadn't gone out. Jin sighed to himself, of course, why hadn't he thought of that?

He glanced over to Fuu as they both sat down on the wet and muddy ground, he wondered how many times she gotten so exhausted without him or Mugen noticing. As Fuu's heavy eyelids persisted against her trying to keep them opened she stared into the faces of both of her companions. Many things were swarming both of their minds, capturing them in their own pasts as was happening to her as the last of her consciousness dwindled away like a candle having reached the end of the wick.

She inwardly scolded herself for letting them see her that way, she'd have to try harder to hide it next time. She couldn't let them see her weakness anymore, then they might try to leave again then they might get fed up with her like she guessed her father got fed up with her mother before her. It was the next morning when she awoke and the sun high in the sky, she blinked her eyes opened and groaned quietly at the dull aching in them and in her stomach, and they hadn't eaten in three days.

"Hey Mugen." She called to him patting the muddy ground with her hand, which sunk into the mounds of wet dirt as she felt around for something to support her as she got to her feet. "Mugen." She tried again, "Don't tell me you're not awake yet." She murmured opening her eyes the whole way and rubbing them before looking around the campsite.

"Look who's talking you slept 'til noon and fish face here said to leave your lazy ass be." He shot back at her.

Fuu crossed her arms over her chest, "Shut up Mugen I was tired, hey, where is Jin anyway?" She inquired.

Mugen shrugged, "We gotta keep movin' according to him so he got some food and I got more firewood because you didn't put the fire out last night and the old burned to ash!" He grumbled his complaints.

"Why was it deemed my responsibility to put the fire out, you fell asleep after I did so you should've done it!" Fuu quickly defended herself.

"Don't tell me you two are arguing this soon after I left." Jin spoke up as he came into view with some fish, which the three quickly cooked and ate so that they could be on their way again before it got too late.

"She started it." Mugen pointed out as they began walking again, Fuu knew he was just trying to antagonize her but she was dirty, still weakened and didn't care. All she wanted to do was get through the day, all she needed was the security of knowing the journey wasn't over, her friends wouldn't have to leave her today, nor any day soon to come.

"Just shut up and walk." Fuu called to him in her usual semi-annoyed tone.

"What'd you say?" Mugen snapped wheeling around to stick his face in Fuu's as she was just a few paces behind him.

"Will you two stop bickering!" Jin retorted and Mugen turned to their spectacled companion to begin another tirade.

Fuu trudged on aimlessly behind Mugen and Jin not really paying much attention to anything and hoping the two of them knew where they were going. Occasionally Mugen's yelling would drift in one ear and out the other causing her to pick her head up and look at him instead of the ground her sandals were sliding across as she struggled to pick up her feet.

The sky was growing gray as the wispy trails of orange and maroon cascading across the sky disappeared, the sun was fully set and the moon was rising in its place. Her eyes rested on the beauty in the sky; it wasn't fair, she thought to herself, she wanted a glimpse of such beauty in her life, just one amongst all that was ugly. A fraction of a second would suffice. She wanted to know the warmth of holding a sunflower in her hands, the comfort of her mother's voice, she wanted it all back again but it was beyond her reach. She sighed, heaven was too far away for her to reach and so she knew even when Jin and Mugen, the only two people she had, left her as the journey came to a close she would still strive for the impossible.

Fuu closed a trembling hand into a fist, she hated herself for being so self-centered, for wanting and wanting and never letting anything she ever had be enough until she lost it. She looked to the stream Jin and Mugen had stopped by for a second and cast her gaze down to her reflection in the water. She looked at it as it riffled with the movement of the liquid. Mud dotted her face like rain, her hairy was greasy and dirty, her eyes looked faded as if she were dead. She touched dried blood on her chin from a scratch she'd gotten the other day, the mirror image of herself did the same, she felt as though she were mocking herself.

She knelt down and cupped water in her hands, scrubbing her face clean, milky white skin was illuminated under the bluish silver light of the moon; she touched it to feel if it was real. The rest of her was still a mess but she didn't have time to do anything about that. How she longed as she stood to full height to follow Mugen who called back for her to move her ass to soak in the water and let it drown her vanity. How she longed to let it relax her and take her away if only for a moment…how she longed in that instant more than anything just to forget how to live…just to forget everything.

"What the hell's with you?" Mugen's voice pulled her out of her self-deemed selfish thoughts. "You're too damn quiet, actin' all queer and shit." He continued.

"Leave me be Mugen, just because you're loud all the time doesn't mean I have to be." Fuu replied putting her chin up and walking quickly around Mugen to stand and continue on beside Jin.

"What is it that's bothering you?" The stoic man asked out of the blue.

Fuu looked up at him slightly surprised and cursed herself for letting on her feelings, it was so like Jin to worry about her, she hated that she made him concerned and yet it made her feel good inside at the same time. "I'm fine really." She assured him but her voice broke and he noticed she cursed herself again and bit down on her tongue in her own anger. Why could she never do things right, guilt and painful memories came flooding back to her but she forced them away as she painfully swallowed the lump in her throat.

"You're lying." Jin replied, he could see right through her and she knew it.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Mugen asked as he came up beside the two.

Jin said nothing and for the first time when Mugen addressed Fuu she stayed silent, it wasn't until the louder samurai was asleep in a small cave in the mountains they'd taken shelter in that her and Jin continued their conversation.

"Is it about him?" He gestured lazily to Mugen with a pale hand, "Something he said?" He inquired further.

"I told you before I'm fine." Her eyes twitched as she held back fresh tears now clouding her vision. He looked at her, his gaze enticing, it was the first time anyone had ever really looked at her. She would've closed her eyes so that he would be unable to study them but she feared that if she did she'd blink down the tears she forced to stay welled up within her eyes.

Jin moved his same pale hand to grasp hers, forcing Fuu, who was caught by surprise, to look at him taken a back. He didn't have to speak, his eyes said it all, but Fuu was not ready, not willing to answer the questions they asked her.

"I guess I'm just a little tired that's all." Lie. It was all a lie and it hurt to hide the truth from him.

Jin was not easily discouraged and inhaling deeply, he tried again, "What is it you desire so badly?"

"What'd you mean?" It never hurt to play dumb a little.

"In your eyes I see someone who is deprived of something they want, a powerful want, something they need but cannot convince themselves they are worthy enough to have."

Her eyes widened, could he read her that well? What could he possibly think of her feelings? She was sure he now thought of her as some sort of idiot and it choked her up further, this time though, the lump she had succeeded in swallowing before swelled in her throat, causing it to constrict. Her face was twisted into a half-pained expression as she did her best to sniff back her tears. Her warm hand clutched at Jin's cold one as she ducked her head away and averted his gaze.

"Are you angry with me?" Jin asked, his voice deeper than usual as he tried to keep hushed tones that were still audible over Fuu's worsening sobs, the young girl shook her head, "With yourself then?" He asked, the response was the same.

"Just confused," She whispered as she sniffed a final time and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, the pale sleeve of her kimono falling down passed her elbow as she did so. She didn't realize until then how much weight she'd taken off since having started this journey.

"About why you can't have what it is you need?" Jin provided.

Fuu pushed back a few stray locks of hair before taking it down completely and redoing it, "I don't know what I want, I have an idea. It's just that it's something so simple and I don't know why it has to be so complicated." She began to explain as she rubbed at still more tears forcibly seeping from her eyes and leaking down her face.

Fuu got to her feet and moved to stand outside the cave on the mountains stone surface, Jin followed suite and stood behind her placing a hand on the faded pink fabric of her kimono. "You must tell me more." He seemed so wise when he spoke to her and she knew she must seem like a child to him, she hated herself for that too.

"I dunno…haven't you ever felt like everything around you is wrong…don't you wonder…haven't you ever wanted…something that was beautiful?" She asked, tears were once again finding their way to her eyes as the cool mountain hair blew tips of her hair.

"For a long time now." Jin replied.

Fuu looked up at him surprised and Jin looked fondly down at the expression she wore, she had such a way of smiling with her eyes, "Really?" She breathed.

Jin nodded and leaned down, cupping her chin in his hand and tilting it up so that she met his soft kiss.

She touched the soft skin of his face as they pulled apart and looked into his dark eyes glimmering in the distant moonlight, she knew she must've looked a sight next to him. She felt so out of place standing next to someone so beautiful being so ugly and broken and…well…worthless.

Fuu caught Jin's gaze and cursed the betrayal of her emotions soundlessly under her breath, "Thank you…" She managed to whisper her voice like the soft blowing wind was swept up into Jin's ears alone and he gazed down over the land the mountain overlooked.

"There's no need for that." He said to her and she smiled, for the first time for nearly as long as she could remember she smiled a real smile.

"What're you thinking about?" She asked.

Jin's eyes fell on her, "Who is the sunflower samurai?" He asked his tones quiet yet filled with the air of secrecy.

Fuu looked down to her dirty feet and kimono and then up into Jin's long slender face and haunting features, "He was…is…my father." She replied. Jin's eyes were questioning and without him having to ask her to, Fuu continued, "He left me and my mother when I was very young to go somewhere he wouldn't say. My mother…was never in good health and so when he left it was a huge betrayal to us. I just think about her…" She broke then, "She used to cry so much Jin just thinking about him and I used to do anything I could for money…" She sobbed and he moved to put a strong and comforting arm around her.

"It's in the past now, you were young, there was nothing you could do." He told her and she nodded, sniffing and thanking him once again.

Jin eyed her with gratitude and once again spoke up; "There's no need for that." He assured her.

"Yeah." She said with a small laugh, I'm all right now." He looked down at her and she met his gaze, they moved apart knowing Mugen couldn't know about what had happened but they were both ok with that. It'd been a long time since things had been easy for Fuu, she was taught life would always be difficult but as she watched Jin who lay sleeping later on that night she realized the winds of change which whipped her face were brewing.

Thoughts of leaving ran through her mind, it would be harder now to say goodbye to him…she didn't want to leave him…she didn't want to have to go. Her hands were trembling slightly but with a tingling warmth left where Jin's soft skin had been. She rose to her feet…when you love someone, her mother had always told her, you have to let them go. They were the words she left Fuu with while on her deathbed and her daughter now held fast to them as she once again stood outside the mouth of the cave. She looked up over the ridges of the steep mountain; all around her things were dark.

"If I knew what love was this would be easier Jin." She whispered over her shoulder, "This would be a lot easier…" She continued, she dabbed at her eyes one final time and ventured up the mountain. Her stomach lurched and the feeling that she had to leave Jin that had taken over her had dissipated, whether or not that meant she was doing the right thing she wasn't sure.

XxXxXx

Morning light was bleeding through the mountain peaks and Jin set his glasses on his face, sitting up to rub the sleep from his eyes, he looked around him, expecting to see both of his companions sleeping, and snoring, peacefully. He saw Mugen but not Fuu and figured she had gone to clear her head, he stepped out into the brisk mountain air.

"Fuu…" he called to her, receiving no answer. "Fuu…" He called slightly louder moving up the mountain a bit to keep calling to her. He turned around and moved back to the cave, "Get up you fool." Jin ordered kicking the other samurai.

"What the hell are you doing?" Mugen growled jumping to his feet lazily and drawing his sword.

"Fuu's gone off somewhere and if we're going to keep going we might as well look for her." He replied.

"Who cares about the bitch, we're finally free of her." Mugen spat at him annoyed, "And we can finally finish our business." The deep alluring tones rich with mischief had returned to the man's voice.

"Now isn't the time you idiot." Jin snapped his eyes flaring with anger.

"That damn ungrateful bitch, we went all this way with her and she just up and leaves. I'll show her…" He grumbled as he marched passed Jin and led the other man up the mountain in search of her.

XxXxXx

Fuu laid down on the cool stone surface of the mountain breathing heavily, she was sick and felt as though she was going to collapse, throw up and not stop until she was back with Mugen and Jin, in his strong arms where everything was ok for a moment. She couldn't understand then why she'd taken it upon herself to leave; Jin would be better off without her anyway though.

She closed her eyes and allowed tears to cascade down her cheeks and across the bridge of her nose, it seemed to be all she could do to let it out. She wiped at her eyes and did her best to sit up, she couldn't do this, she had to keep moving, she remembered what her mother had said to her, over and over again she said it trying to convince herself it was true.

It had to happen sometime. I knew that, I know that…I can't be with him forever, he doesn't want me, I don't know anything about him, I just started feeling this way…. She thought to herself as she buried her face in her hands. She took a deep breath and stood to her feet shakily. She was used to being tired and drained both physically and mentally with how frequently she was kidnapped during her journey. She laughed half-fondly at the very thought. XxXxXx Jin and Mugen made their way up the mountain in search of their companion as quickly as they could, calling to her and receiving no answer, "Hey, where'd you go you no good lousy bitch, I know you can hear me!" Mugen was bellowing while every once in a while Jin called out Fuu's name. It wasn't long before Fuu could hear the faint voices of Mugen and Jin, at first she didn't answer, she didn't know what to say or do and her mouth seemed to betray her. They were coming closer and for some reason the instinct to run was kicking in, adrenaline was racing through her veins. She could hear Mugen's voice now, ringing in her ears, he was saying something to the effect of, 'you can't shut your mouth for five minutes when we're doing something lame and when we need you to make a little noise you finally shut up!' She was too weak to take a step towards them in fact her brain was pulsing in her ears and she felt herself losing consciousness. She fell to the floor weakly and felt her body convulse painfully one last time from exhaustion before she blacked out into tranquil sleep. 

XxXxXx

When Fuu was finally coherent she opened her eyes to darkness, wondering how long she'd been asleep. She sat up feeling light-headed but considerably refreshed and looked aimlessly about. There was no telling where she was or if anyone was there with her, she couldn't see. She moved her hands to be sure she was alive and awake, she felt around herself, rigid rocks against her hands made her breathe a sigh of relief, this was real, this was life, she was ok.

She heard movement beside her and could swear she felt the fabric of clothing against her cold, trembling wrist, slowly she opened and closed her mouth to work feeling into her jaw and wiggled her toes to get feeling into them while she was at it. She tried to force sound from her dry throat but it came out as a quiet gurgling that died deep within her.

"Hello…" She tried forcing herself to whisper only to choke on her own words and begin going into a coughing fit.

Within the next instant she felt too pairs of hands grasp at her, once soft and smooth, the other rough, callused, and clammy. She knew her friends touch well, Mugen and Jin were beside her and she quickly through her arms out to try and embrace who ever they ended up closest too. Instead a hand was laid on her head, one she belonged to Jin she was sure, Mugen she could hear was moving around, swearing under his breath to try and find something to start a fire.

She knew he'd succeeded quicker than she'd expected for him to when the light of the flames illuminated the pitch black and slightly damp cave, the same one they'd been staying in when she'd gone off on her own.

"How long have I-" But she was interrupted before she could finish.

"What in the hell did you think you were doing you fucking moron? First you run off and make us come after you and then you stayed knocked out for a week makin' us think you're half-dead!" Mugen roared jabbing a finger at her.

Fuu laughed slightly, she'd never known Mugen to be concerned about her and she had to admit it was pretty nice, "Sorry." She once again tried to speak up but was only able to whisper.

"Water." Jin said simply, quickly, "Get her some water." Mugen rolled his eyes and slid Fuu a hollowed out piece of fruit they'd found in the woods, it was filled with water, which she greedily gulped down.

Fuu coughed as she swallowed the last of it and wiped that, which was dripping off her mouth from her lips, "Thanks." She was finally able to get out.

"Yeah whatever." Was all Mugen cared to say, or rather grumble as he crossed his arms over his chest and sat down by the fire.

Jin, who hadn't said anything to her since she got up moved his hand off of her head while Mugen slowly drifted off to sleep, the silence, Fuu noted, was wonderful. "How could you let yourself get that sick?" He finally asked her when neither knew what to say for a long while.

Fuu shrugged, "I was just a little tired really." She tried to front quickly.

A hint of a smile graced Jin's features, "You are an honorable woman." He said to her knowing she was lying to be modest.

"Uh…thanks." Fuu replied blushing.

Jin moved a hand to rest on hers as they lay back on the cold cave floor, he watched her shudder and nervously inch closer to him before speaking up, "Too honorable at times." He added and Fuu, taking the hint moved into his arms where she would stay nestled all night and early into the morning.


End file.
